Thursday, September 11, 2008
conformity gets a smiley face
Just a thought...funny how people react to someone doing something "outside the box". I have noticed that my effort to try to chase this dream has created lots of gossip in certain circles. Somehow "outside the box" in my world is equated, by others, with me actually being morally/spiritually/emotionally flawed. It reminds me of kindergarten. If the ocean was supposed to be blue but I speckled it with colorful dots because that's how it looked to me when the sun reflected off of it, I got a red X and a re-do and the other kids with blue oceans got smiley faces. For once in my life, though, I am not looking for that smiley face... from anyone else...!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Imperfect and clumsy...but it's finally resembling me
I have a favorite book that aptly describes me and my journey and one of the 50 or so quotes I highlighted in it paraphases an ancient yogi text ...."it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody elses life with perfection".
Those who know me well, know that I tend to do things to perfection...I was the "perfect kid" building my college application resume through class selection and extra-curricular activities from the time I could first spell college, and a "perfect teen" by doing all the "popular things" like be a cheerleader and be skinny and date the all-American looking quarterback, and a "perfect christian" by being a missionary in an African village, and a "perfect mom" by raising two kids who were literally superstars-even carpooling and cooking for all of their friends at all times of the day and night, and a "perfect friend" by always being upbeat, sweet, nice, and looking at the bright side so as not to be a burden to anyone, and a "perfect hostess" by opening my home to dozens of peace corps volunteers in Africa as well as a steady stream of friends in America, and even the "perfect ex-wife" by not demanding a big settlement and by just moving on with my life quietly,... there you have it...proof of my tendency to be seen as "perfect"....
Well, get ready to know the REAL me! Until now, I have tried to predict what others expect of me and live up to that expectation...perfectly. Not any more...
There have been two times in my life when I have felt like I have let down all my ideas of "perfection" and literally lived every moment as fully as possible-without any thought of being perfect or not-just thinking of fully being me. One of those times was during my time in Africa. Each morning I woke up knowing that every one of my senses was going to be challenged/assaulted and I was going to make A LOT Of mistakes...and I felt as alive as I have ever felt. I never felt I had to be perfect (probably because I knew that would be impossible), I just felt like I was using every God given gift I had to its fullest at all times. Part of my reason for wanting to go back overseas to teach is the desire to push myself in this way again.
Those of you who know me also know that I am a gypsy in a true sense-I am not a person who finds it comfortable to settle into small town social groups and patterns of behavior and predictable schedules and a comfortable way of life. I like things to change, be a physical/emotional/intellectual challenge, and make me have to work hard in some way to get through each day.
Thus, I have embarked on this path...to that end, I initially wrote letters of inquiry to 5 schools in Latin America....since then, I have contacted 15 other schools in 15 different countries in Eastern Europe, Asia, and other locations in Latin America. Several schools have already responded to me and experessed interest in interviewing me at a recruiting fair (which are held all over the US and the world in Dec. -Feb.) or via video conference. Later this month, I plan to follow up my initital letter with a note to each school telling them which fairs I will be attending and telling them what exactly interested me about their school (since I spent over 50 hours online researching the schools, cities, countries....narrowing my search to these 20). I have also created a "resume' web page" and my follow up email will direct schools to this page for further information about me.
I am open minded. I know that my initial placement may just be a way to get my foot in the door of overseas teaching and, to that end, I am prepared to entertain offers from schools who are not on my list if they find my resume' online or interview me at a recruiting fair and offer me an attractive salary/benefit package. The process is laborious and difficult due to distance and further complicated by language and cultural barriers. I like that challenge...and look forward to this journey. I hope you will stick with me....learning about me, my journey, and the joy of living our own destiny- imperfectly.
Perhaps you too, will find the courage and freedom to shed the veil of perfection in your own life to reveal the truth of your less than perfect journey and share that with those who are watching you. It is the greatest gift you can give-not to live with the "lie" of being perfect but to live in the reality of making and overcoming mistakes as you attempt to navigate what life throws at you.
Those who know me well, know that I tend to do things to perfection...I was the "perfect kid" building my college application resume through class selection and extra-curricular activities from the time I could first spell college, and a "perfect teen" by doing all the "popular things" like be a cheerleader and be skinny and date the all-American looking quarterback, and a "perfect christian" by being a missionary in an African village, and a "perfect mom" by raising two kids who were literally superstars-even carpooling and cooking for all of their friends at all times of the day and night, and a "perfect friend" by always being upbeat, sweet, nice, and looking at the bright side so as not to be a burden to anyone, and a "perfect hostess" by opening my home to dozens of peace corps volunteers in Africa as well as a steady stream of friends in America, and even the "perfect ex-wife" by not demanding a big settlement and by just moving on with my life quietly,... there you have it...proof of my tendency to be seen as "perfect"....
Well, get ready to know the REAL me! Until now, I have tried to predict what others expect of me and live up to that expectation...perfectly. Not any more...
There have been two times in my life when I have felt like I have let down all my ideas of "perfection" and literally lived every moment as fully as possible-without any thought of being perfect or not-just thinking of fully being me. One of those times was during my time in Africa. Each morning I woke up knowing that every one of my senses was going to be challenged/assaulted and I was going to make A LOT Of mistakes...and I felt as alive as I have ever felt. I never felt I had to be perfect (probably because I knew that would be impossible), I just felt like I was using every God given gift I had to its fullest at all times. Part of my reason for wanting to go back overseas to teach is the desire to push myself in this way again.
Those of you who know me also know that I am a gypsy in a true sense-I am not a person who finds it comfortable to settle into small town social groups and patterns of behavior and predictable schedules and a comfortable way of life. I like things to change, be a physical/emotional/intellectual challenge, and make me have to work hard in some way to get through each day.
Thus, I have embarked on this path...to that end, I initially wrote letters of inquiry to 5 schools in Latin America....since then, I have contacted 15 other schools in 15 different countries in Eastern Europe, Asia, and other locations in Latin America. Several schools have already responded to me and experessed interest in interviewing me at a recruiting fair (which are held all over the US and the world in Dec. -Feb.) or via video conference. Later this month, I plan to follow up my initital letter with a note to each school telling them which fairs I will be attending and telling them what exactly interested me about their school (since I spent over 50 hours online researching the schools, cities, countries....narrowing my search to these 20). I have also created a "resume' web page" and my follow up email will direct schools to this page for further information about me.
I am open minded. I know that my initial placement may just be a way to get my foot in the door of overseas teaching and, to that end, I am prepared to entertain offers from schools who are not on my list if they find my resume' online or interview me at a recruiting fair and offer me an attractive salary/benefit package. The process is laborious and difficult due to distance and further complicated by language and cultural barriers. I like that challenge...and look forward to this journey. I hope you will stick with me....learning about me, my journey, and the joy of living our own destiny- imperfectly.
Perhaps you too, will find the courage and freedom to shed the veil of perfection in your own life to reveal the truth of your less than perfect journey and share that with those who are watching you. It is the greatest gift you can give-not to live with the "lie" of being perfect but to live in the reality of making and overcoming mistakes as you attempt to navigate what life throws at you.
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