A view from where I stand...

The first photo is of the famous "three palm trees" in the lagoon at Canaima (region where Angel falls is located). Closest road to this village is over 100 miles away-you can only get there by small plane. The second is the view of Angel Falls (Paradise Falls from the movie UP) taken out the window of the private 5 seater plane Clark and I were on as we flew over the falls. Then there is Tori in her new house in Steamboat Springs, CO (on New Years Eve-notice the cold weather additions to the typical New Years "little black dress" LOL). And, finally, Clark on the boat the day he earned his Open Water Diver Certification during his visit with me in VZ.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the past few months. Clark joined me in VZ for several adventures over ten days during the week of Thanksgiving. After an epic in the flooded streets of my town that included a flat tire and trying for 90 min. to get a taxi in the pouring rain we enjoyed eating seafood, introducing him to arepas and empanadas, and having long chats on the balcony. He earned his Open Water PADI dive certification here in Mochima National Park and the two of us took a private Cessna plane up to Angel Falls. We hiked in the jungle, road dug out canoes down the rivers, crawled behind raging waterfalls and flew over the tallest waterfall in the world (Angel Falls). Then I visited Atlanta for a week of training seminars for my school (highlighted by being able to hang out with my GA friends during my free time). After returning to VZ just long enough to finish the semester and administer finals, I skipped across the USA for over 3 weeks during my Christmas break. I stopped in Atlanta, saw my cousin in Denver (and got new glasses-she's a great eye Dr.), stayed in Steamboat soaking up tons of family time, and finished my trip in NYC visiting a lifelong teacher friend I met here in VZ last year. Whenever I pause and reflect on the opportunities I have been given, I am very thankful...my life is very very good.

Yet, lurking below the surface there are still simmering realizations that the ebb and flow of my world and the reality of the world of loved ones in the USA is beginning to clash. Below are just a few of the many examples I have encountered these past 18 months.

COMMUNICATION: Here in VZ I rely exclusively on the internet (mostly FB and email, but also Skype) to keep me in the loop with my friends, family, and even co-workers. My daily communication thread is a series of "snippets" with varying send and reply times. I have no sense of urgency about communication. I do have a cell phone but it is rarely charged, or with me. In fact, as of writing this, it still has my US SIM card in it (I have been out of the US for 9 days now) and is out of battery, making it useless to me. Yet, my US based friends and family are used to instant connections-twitter, text message, blackberry internet interface. Many of those people have expressed frustration at their inability to get in touch with me while I travel. I know they think I am avoiding them, yet I merely feel overwhelmed by the burden of communicating within such an "instant connection" framework. It is a clash.

VISITING: I travel to a myriad of fascinating international locales during each of my breaks. Flights are cheap, hotels are cheaper, adventurous destinations abound,...so, I take advantage of those things. Each summer and December so far, though, I have opted to return to visit loved ones in the USA. I plan certain locations as my "central zone" and inform people. I don't have a car (and can't afford to rent for 4-6 weeks a year). I know it is inconvenient to drive to me and work around the schedule of whomever I happen to be staying with. Plus, the mere act of choosing exactly WHO to stay with in any given area can create a load of hard feelings. That is a clash. When I am in a certain area, it is hard for me to call every person who is remotely close to me and ask for them to come see me. I feel presumptuous. Yet, when I wait for people to call me with a plan, I think they feel the same. Also, I have CLOSE friends and family in FL, IN, VA, NC, GA, NY, MA, WI, MN, WA, CA, CO, IA, AL, and AR, (not to mention a dozen countries around the world). In 3-4 weeks there is no way for me to make quality visits to all of these places. No matter what travel agenda I choose, someone feels left out or slighted by their lack of time with me. I leave feeling I can't be too happy about my good memories with who I did get to see, lest those I didn't get to see feel that I am not sad enough about not seeing them. That is a clash.

CONNECTIONS: I miss a lot. I don't have mail service here so I can't even send birthday or Christmas cards. There are events, like my niece winning grand champion at the county fair hog show, that I will never get to see-the fair is in August. Also, I return to the US during times when many people are often MORE busy with seasonal business and community events....or even just with regular family commitments. I am acutely aware that I am asking them to sacrifice to spend time with me. My days off are set by my school, and international travel expenses preclude me being able to take personal days to create long weekends in order to travel to the US outside of my regular breaks. Graduations, weddings (a very dear friend is getting married next Oct. and it is unlikely I can be there), reunions...it is rare when these coincide with my 4-6 weeks per year in the US. Over time, I feel that I am more of an observer than a participant in my old life. I know, this new life is my choice. Yet, it is still a clash. Everyone else didn't chose this but they still have to live with consequences of it.

REALITY: I love my job and am at peace with the life I live. I accept the challenge of overcoming these clashes in years to come as I become more and more aware of what I am up against. Ultimately, I hope that the people close to me can also begin to understand the constraints of my lifestyle so that, with mutual effort, the clashes will be less frequent and less intense. Until then, I am learning more each day about how to be BOTH a gypsy AND a daughter, sister, mom, auntie, friend, cousin, niece, mentor.

Thanks for sticking with me! =)